The other night my sister pointed something out to me. I've thought about it every day since...
She asked me why when Nick comes home from work, that I just act like he has been around all day and do not greet him? I try to make a conscience effort to ask him how his day went and since I am talkative by nature, I usually can't wait to tell him all about my day. When Nick walks in it usually goes something like this: hand Nick Max, ask him to take out the overflowing trash, send Calvin out after Nick to help with the trash, eat dinner, clean up dinner, boys baths, boys pajamas, Max to bed, Calvin to bed, rest time, bed. Repeat.
Since Nick supports us and I stay at home with the boys, the daytime routine at our home is run by me. Nick likes my administrative and organized side but I put my boys and my house always before my first love. Ever since I became a mom, I have put my home and kids needs before my relationship with Nick as his wife. I assume this happens because their needs are more immediate and urgent (they're also completely dependent on us!) and so I put other important things like making sure to give my husband a kiss and hug upon coming home on the back burner.
I can remember multiple times where Nick has organized a great date night for us and we did not end up going out because I was so preoccupied with what I had to do that I forgot how important it was to allow him to still date and romance me. Even though I am now a mom, it does not mean that I am no longer Gina. Mrs. Davis. I look back now and am so thankful for the times where he encouraged me and begged me to go out so that I could take a break from my stresses at home and regroup as a couple.
Thankfully Nick truly is my teammate and helps me with the kids needs right when he walks through the door. He does not hesitate to help me raise them and reminds me how he is on my side. But I need to stop justifying things in my head and keep in mind that I was a wife first and then a mom. There will always be things to do for the boys and for the house. On the days where I truly embrace being a wife first and mom second, I can see a confidence in Nick and also feel more valued. It is easy for me to get wrapped up in my own needs and lists. The mornings that I put an extra five minutes into maybe putting some make up on and a nice shirt, I feel more myself, beautiful, and am loving and honoring Nick. He already knows and appreciates all that I do on a daily basis running our home by little acts of love, like welcoming him home. In something so small as a kiss at the front door, I am showing my boys what it is like to love and to be loved, and I am also showing Nick the appreciation and affection that he deserves as my husband, my provider, my protector, my first love.
Do you forget about your husband in little ways because your role as a mother is so important and can only be filled by you? Do you let the not just need, but want of being needed by your child get in the way of loving your husband? Do you demonstrate to your kids what it is like to work together as a team?