Often when I am laying in bed to sleep I reflect on the day. I will be the first to remember every time I yelled, raised my voice, didn't follow through with a consequence and all the times where I acted like a mother I never wanted to be. As the minutes continue to run, I then through myself a pity party on how OCD I am about everything and how I often let my pride get in the way of enjoying time with my family.
Today I took the boys to the dentist. My kids are weird and love going to the doctors and dentist (maybe a future in the medical field for both of them?), so they of course woke up bright and early excited to get their teeth checked. Two things happened today that have caused me to deeply reflect on how I view my life. These events have also revealed to me that I need to be measuring in moments rather than days.
1. Getting out of the house when you are 36 weeks pregnant and hormonal is hard work! Add two energy-filled boys to the mix and it can get chaotic quickly. After breaking up two crying arguments of who would press the button to open the garage door we were finally on our way. I was beating myself up inside for how I could have handled the situations differently when Bruno Mars' new song came on "24K Magic" . This song has been our new jam and both boys immediately started to sing and dance. As I started to sing with them God showed me how my boys didn't let their arguments 10 minutes prior or our rough start of a morning effect their entire day. They were totally consumed by the moment and in that moment they were happy and filled with joy. It was so easy for them to focus on what was happening in the present rather than dwelling in the pasts and I too then decided that I didn't want what I didn't do get in the way of what I could do at that moment in time.
2. I am a prideful person, it's an awful characteristic about myself and something I need to continually work on. I pride myself in my kids, my home, how I parent, and especially the fact that I have never really had a cavity before (minus the small starting of one when I was pregnant with Calvin). We make sure our kids brush their teeth everyday, we bathe everyday, we give our kids a balanced me 3 times a day. These are all things I take too much pride in. So when Calvin's dentists told me he had cavities on his molars you can probably guess how I took the news. My hormonal and prideful self needed someone to blame, someone to put this awful news on.
After receiving some tough honesty from my baby sister, a text from a few friends, and some lunch I noticed how I again was letting my day whole day be ruined. I couldn't see my kids playing or the fact that it was beautiful outside or that my mom kindly came home for lunch to see me. I wasn't measuring my day in the good moments.
As moms it is easy to let all the bad moments measure up into being one bad day. We beat ourselves up and define our worth and accomplishments on an unrealistic scale. But God graciously gives us so many good moments. Little specks of grace are there in the midst of the hard but we have to let down our pride and insecurities to be able to see and enjoy them. If you are like me and are quick to measure the bad days but forget the good moments than join me in praying daily to see all the little moments. Pray that we would be able to find our worth in Christ and be thankful for all of the times we are given grace despite our sinfulness.